#MeToo

Daily Prompt : Brave

I am going talk about the incidents of violation that have happened to me and some of my friends. The ones that are trivialized and brushed away. The ones that are almost never reported or even reacted to.

1/Several

We used to live in government quarters in Kharagpur, West Bengal. There was a big playground behind these quarters where me and my friends would play every evening. There was an RPF (Railway Protection Force) barracks on the other end of the playground, where I would frequently see men in uniform, men who contribute to the safety of the citizens. One evening, after staying out particularly late playing ‘Catch-catch’, me and my friends decided to cross the invisible line on the playground that our mothers had drawn for us to keep us in sight. One of the RPF officials struck a conversation with me. Asked me where I live, my name, age and the like. Then he asked me to come closer to him. I was torn between respecting an elder person and the rule of don’t talk to strangers (which was already violated). I politely declined and said I have to go home. But he repeatedly asked me to come closer a couple of times, each time his voice more forceful. I immediately sprinted back home. I am not insinuating this incident could lead to anything; it may be wrong of me to sexualize this. But I still remember the tone of his voice, the authority he thought he had over a 7 year old child. I remember feeling uncomfortable at his strange request to go closer to him. Did I say request? I’m sorry. It was not a request.

2/Several

A small group of us 14 year olds, accompanied by our Math teacher (who is also my mother), were taken to the city of Bangalore for the Math Olympiad. We were travelling by public transport, to and fro and within the city. The details of the setting are extremely hazy. I do not even remember who were my friends who accompanied me or which school/place we went to to write the Olympiad. But this memory is extremely vivid in my head. So much so, that even when I think about that trip, I can only remember me in my blue and white salwar-kameez uniform (a Kendriya Vidyalaya standard at the time) frantically trying to board the public bus with my friends and my mother along with a bunch of strangers. A bunch of strangers, and a hand urgently groping my chest.

3/Several

Me and my friends decided to clubbing one night in the second year of my college. Dressed up, completely sober, we danced the night away to blaring music. It was a fun night, without any untoward incident. The next morning there were a couple of Facebook requests from random people, some of the faces which I could recall from the party the previous night. I dismissed them and went to check the new messages. One of which said “Hey, loved your dance, please reply.” How classy. A few months later, upon checking a bunch of new messages, I see several “Hellos” and “I saw you near —– today” (stalker alert) and so on from this same guy. And the last message read – “You filthy b****h, how dare you ignore me like this…don’t chuck attitude…reply b***h”. It amused me that he thought I owed him, a complete stranger, a reply because he complimented my dancing skills?

4/Several

I was travelling to Mysore after completing my internship in Bangalore. It was a weekday, I had two seats to myself and comfortable settled down for the 3 hour bus journey. There were two guys in the seats on the other side of the aisle on the same row, constantly staring and smirking. Being subject to that for more than 10 years of my life, I automatically assumed an air of nonchalance. The journey began, I dozed off and woke up startled, 2 hours later, to find one of those guys sitting next to me, splattering his weight beyond the extent of his seat and “sleeping” with his head uncomfortably close to mine. I squirmed uneasily and shifted to make myself comfortable only to notice him shift too to get closer to me. There was no room for me, so I snapped, woke him up and asked him to return to his original seat (which was empty). He smirked and left. I am enraged to this day at his assumption that it was okay to just lodge himself into the empty seat next to mine (leaving his original seat which he shared with a friend) and get physically closer to me.

5/Several

Waiting at the Pondicherry bus stand with my best friend searching for my bus back home, when a stranger, attempts to grab my breast. I scream, onlookers look at me like I am crazy, while the abuser keeps walking. Me and my friend rush behind him but unfortunately he got away. Even today, walking on a busy road, I flinch when a person nears me.

These are incidents which have happened more than once, not just to me but to my friends as well. These are incidents where some of us react while some of us don’t because it has become so commonplace.

I would like to point out that I was “decently” dressed, not intoxicated, not suggestive in glances or words and definitely not “asking for it”.

Before you trivialize this and brush it off because there is no mention of “rape”, I want you to keep in mind, that an incident from when I was 7 years old makes me uncomfortable even today. Don’t ask me to forget and move on. Because 16 years later, this is still happening to every girl/boy and woman/man around me.

#MeToo is a movement to spread awareness regarding the magnitude of sexual abuse and disrespect that women as well as men face (important!). It is a movement that brings to our notice the amount of abusers out there in the world. It is an empathetic effort to support each and every one of us who has been catcalled, abused, molested and raped. It’s not a feminist attempt, instead a humanist one. Let’s make sure this doesn’t fizzle out.

Share, encourage, empower.

PS – Not all the stories are personal. Featured above is an editted photograph by a dear friend. Check out @thesomedaylists on Instagram to see some more of his amazing work. 🙂